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Wednesday, 23 April 2008

plans

god has a plan for everything.
i know he does. every christian/catholic should.

my life is weird right now, not bad or anything like that. just weird. i feel like everything is out of my control, or not what i expected. from the way i am feeling, to where i am going to college, to who i am becoming is so, so unexpected. (haha, oh yearbook) and like i said, it isn't bad, well most of it isn't bad. i know God has all this stuff happening for a reason. Thats why I am trying really hard not to worry about it or overthink it, becuase he has a plan set out for me, and this is all part of it. i beleive that. i trust in him. but again, realize i am only human, and i will worry at some points, and freak out at others. but i am learning. i promise.

by the way, i have been wanting to get to know portland some more. i have some fabulous ideas if i do say so myself for this summer. anyone want in?

Friday, 11 April 2008

i saw it coming

I saw it coming, honestly,
I did. Those big doe eyes and full lips,
Yes those full lips, from which came a voice
Soft, quiet, reserved, and unheard.
I should have done more than stare,
Should have said something, anything.
They say I couldn’t have done anything.
It was ultimately your choice to be honest,
Yet you chose to hide and avoid the stares.
But I could see through the lies as the truth lingered on your lips.
It was as if you lost your voice,
You had no control over what you said, so your fears went unheard.
No one, no matter the age, should go unheard,
You never know what people are dealing with, it could be anything.
There is a reason God gave us a voice,
And it wasn’t to talk about our selfish desires, honestly,
We are meant to speak up and let our story be heard from lips
Around the nation. Tell your story even when afraid of mocking stares.
It doesn’t matter what they think; let them stare.
Do you want to be unheard
Forever? Use your lips.
Can’t you see I love you and would do anything
If it meant you would be honest
With me, and more importantly yourself. After all, it is your voice.
Please, please hear me when I say raise your voice.
Fight the obsessions and stare
Deep inside yourself to eliminate the compulsions and you will honestly,
Feel better. Fight the monster and you will be heard.
I believe in you, you can do anything,
I have heard you say it from your own lips.
Don’t you know that it was the words from your lips
Which taught me to be strong and take charge of my own voice?
It was you who told me I am capable of achieving anything
I want in life. So please don’t just stare
At me with empty eyes, I don’t want my message to go unheard.
All I ask is that you stop deceiving, fight the demon, and be honest.
You are my little sister, our lips are forever identical and our voices have never gone unheard,
Don’t change that now. Stare into my eyes and talk to me honestly and openly.
The first time I met you, you couldn’t say anything, I don’t want the last time to be the same.
what i can't have

don't you hate it when the ONLY thing you want,
you can't have?
and i am not talking about a shirt or a phone,
something bigger, more important.

dear lord
i know this is selfish
but please
help me

Monday, 10 March 2008

what that world

yea i said it. so there.
and yes, one day it will catch on

ok so i have a billion things racing through my mind right now, but one of the most prominent ideas circle my cranium is the idea of how much i want to travel. i want to explore and discover and uncover secrets. i want to learn and embrace and experience. i want to talk to people in new languages and learn what is important in their lives and i want to learn their story. there are just som many people in the world and it seems like a waste to simply spend all your time in one place when you have the opportunity to walk with people of differents races and backgrounds. ahhhhh it just blows my mind. i dont think many people understand when i talk to them about, but traveling to exotic and culturally different places is like a runners high. once you start, you can't stop. its just, wow i may have the opportunity to travel to isreal this summer, which would be AMAZING. i want to talk to people, and live the way they do, and eat what they eat. i want to imerge into their way of life. i want talk to these people so that i have a story to take with me forever. and i want to leave my mark on the world so that when i die, i will have left traces god's will all over the globe.

and one day people will say what the world, because i will teach it to them in some remote country and they will think it is some cool american slang. or stupid american slang. either way they will say it and remember who taught it to them. then i will teach them that god loves them and wants us to love one another. then these people will say, "what the world man, i love you"

Sunday, 27 January 2008

i am so tired of complaining to people about my "issues" i know that my friends don't mind me talking about it, but i feel like the more i talk about it the more i won't be able to let go. you know what i mean? this whole thing is just so complicated, i know that this is probably for the best. but to be honest, i don't care. maybe i am being selfish, maybe i am disregarding all sense and logic. but i don't care. more than anything i just want him back. i am not saying that it would have to be exactly as it was, because honestly it would be completely different. but if we both wanted to be back together, then in my mind it would be better than before-different but better. but i can't and don't want to change anyone's mind. i want people to change their mind on their own so that way i know it is what they truely want. this whole paragraph probably doesn't even make sense, but i needed to get this stuff out. my heart is hurting. its hurting badly. and i guess time will be the only thing to mend it.